She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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