The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
