I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
