i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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