and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
