It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
