I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
where are my pants?
in the oven.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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