a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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