I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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