ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
