Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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