WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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