Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize