Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
