Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
