is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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