Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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