Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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