I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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