I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
