what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize