i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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