shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
