Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And then he peed in my hair
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