I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
