The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
