if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
