Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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