Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
