Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ttyl tear gas
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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