Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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