8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
