can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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