I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
