My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
