so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
