would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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