It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His nipple licking is glorious
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