Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
