the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
