How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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