i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
time to smoke my breakfast
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
