my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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