Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
