You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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