I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
