Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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