the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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