WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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