One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize