Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
