I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
