I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
