i just google imaged poop.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize