idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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