Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
