dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
