just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
