You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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