it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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