You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
