She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
