If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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