i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
