This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
