He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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