That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
