her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
