I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
