I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my liver is dry heaving
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
