i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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