Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
