when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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