very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
