hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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