Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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