i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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