Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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