AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
