I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
