would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize