dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize