in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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