I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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