you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
