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THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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