guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
