if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
