U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
