he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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