youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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