had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
