that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
