Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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