my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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