So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize