fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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