I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
