Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
