Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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