Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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