I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
