"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
