theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
