How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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