Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
