my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
